I was the victim.

Everyone was out to get me.

Every inconvenience set me off.

Every conversation had me second-guessing myself.

I was just pissed at the world.

The thoughts were loud and constant:

“No one cares.”

“What’s the point?”

“This is just how my life is.”

“Why even try?”

For a long time, I let those thoughts run the show.

And looking back, I can see what I was really doing.

I was playing the victim and ultimately avoiding one big thing:

Good ole ownership.

At the time, I didn’t know how to name it that way - I just knew I was scared.

I was scared of stepping into a version of myself I didn’t recognize.

I didn’t know what it was like to be happy, confident, supported, fulfilled or healthy.

That version of me was completely unknown.

And our minds and bodies resist the unknown because it’s unfamiliar.

Unfamiliar feels unsafe. Unsafe feels like danger.

And the funny thing is I know understand I wasn’t scared of failing.

I was scared of succeeding.

I was scared of what it would mean if I could be confident. If I could be happy. If a better life actually existed for me.

Because that went against everything I had been conditioned to believe.

I had failed so many times before that “this is just how it is” became my identity.

Depressed. Unloved. Unworthy.

So of course I resisted change.

Success was foreign. Comfortable misery wasn’t.

I can see that clearly now — but I couldn’t then.

At the time, I just felt stuck.

I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what life on the other side would even look like.

So I clung to the idea that someone would come save me.

I wanted my boyfriend at the time to save me. I wanted my parents to give me the answers. I wanted someone — anyone — to hand me the way out.

I wanted clarity, certainty and the full path laid out in front of me.

What I didn’t realize then is that you never see the full path.

You only ever see the next step.

And when you’re deep in that pit, even one step feels impossible.

Your legs feel like cement. But if you can use just a tiny ounce of strength to lift one foot — even a few inches — something shifts.

You loosen up.

You take that step… and then the next one appears.

God never reveals the whole picture. Only the step you’re meant to take right now.

And that’s actually reassuring when you’re as low as I was.

Because it means change doesn’t require a massive leap.

It requires one small, seemingly insignificant step.

For me, that first step wasn’t physical.. it was that ownership.

I kept waiting for a magical way out. For someone to care enough and pull me up.

Day after day. Month after month. Year after year. I waited.

Until one day, I was hit with a gut-wrenching realization.

No one was coming.

Not my boyfriend. Not my family. Not my coworkers. No one.

It hit like a sucker punch.

Every fear I had ever carried flooded in at once — unworthy, alone, unsupported.

I felt like I was going to be swept away by it.

And then… it hit me.

If no one was coming…

That meant it was up to me.

I held the power.

I had to do something for myself and stop playing the victim. There simply was no other option.

And once the initial pain wore off, that realization became the most freeing moment of my life.

The pit in my stomach eased. The doors swung wide open.

That’s where real change began.

Because staying stuck had finally become harder than trying.

Living the same miserable day on repeat — wake up, commute, survive work, come home, numb out, repeat — was harder than changing.

And once I realized it was on me, the excuses stopped working.

It had been easier waiting for a savior.

But when it was my responsibility, I couldn’t unsee how my excuses were keeping me exactly where I was.

And let’s be honest…

It couldn’t get worse than where I was. 😂

I was at rock bottom and had nothing left to lose.

So I figured — why not just try?

...

Ownership isn’t about blaming yourself.

It’s about realizing you’re allowed to take your life — and your health — seriously.

If you’re waiting for motivation to train, eat better, rest, or change…

If you’re waiting for life to slow down…

If you’re waiting for clarity before you start…

That is the work.

Ownership is the first step.

The decision to stop waiting and take one step forward.

So here’s my question for you — and you can just reply to this email:

What’s one small step you’ve been avoiding because you’ve been waiting for the “right time”?

I would love to hear it.

Much love,

Mackenzie

P.S. Have you tuned into my podcast yet? We have been pouring so much into each episode and diving deep into all the topics I talk about here.

Listen to the Endless Pursuit Podcast on ​Apple​, ​Spotify​, ​Youtube​, and anywhere else you get your podcasts.